I recently saw a  short Joss Whedon speech and one line ( among the many) he said resonated in a deep way.  He said “Recognizing someone elses power does not diminish your own”

You can watch Joss’s short speech here. It worth a view.

My kids and I have a certain ritual. Every morning on the way to school I ask them one particular question. I ask them-What are you? I’m only looking for one answer, but its a profound one. The answer they give me is, “I’m a warrior.” The reason warrior is the right answer for me is because that one word encapsulates the attributes I would like them to have. Honor, integrity, honesty, courtesy,courage, compassion, restraint, loyalty and service. I ask them this question in the hopes that they will understand over time that being strong physically or mentally does not give them the right to diminish those around them.

I write this post because there is a thought in media and society at large. This is not a new or newly discovered thought. It is not endemic to just our culture but is actually a worldwide situation. Sometimes its overt, but most of the time its subtle and pervasive. The thought is that women are weak and less than. That is a gross over simplification, but it is the essence. It is why little girls have so  few role models in modern media that are portrayed as strong independent women on their own.

I am by no means an expert on this and I am only writing about my observations as a male and as a father to several daughters. However there have been many times when I don’t let my daughter watch a show because the females in the show are portrayed as catty, superfluous, or are only cast as foils to the uber smart and accomplished males in the show. This runs the gamut in every kind of programming. Whether designed for children or not.

I am also a writer.  Although I don’t have the notoriety of Whedon, I get asked many of the same questions by my fans. Why are my women characters so strong? Why do I write such women into my books? Where do I get my ideas for the strong women? Like Whedon  many of my answers are the same ( although admittedly not as eloquent). I had a very strong mother and a strong father who, recognizing her strength did not feel his was diminished. I write strong women because they are. I write strong women because it shouldn’t even be a question. No one has ever asked me why I write strong men.

In the dojo I teach we believe in strong women and girls. I have been in schools where little girls have been told that they cannot execute certain techniques because of their gender. I have seen firsthand how some instructors have modified certain exercises to accommodate a little girl because of this misconception.

In our dojo I tell the girls that some of the most fearsome warriors I have trained with have been women. I have sparred with women who could stand in front of me and deliver a kick to my head with such speed and precision it left me stunned, literally. We expect the girls in our school to be just as strong as the boys. There are no exceptions and they don’t expect any to be made.

I tell my daughter( the 6 year old) that warriors come in all shapes and sizes and  I show her images of what athletes can look like. Some are thin and some are not. Some are tall some are shorter. The bottom line is that she must not let others: society , the media,  or her peers dictate her strength or how she views herself. That must come from within. My job as her father and as male is to show her that being strong in every facet of her life is not something odd or different. It is the norm and maybe one day when she has a daughter of her own and she asks her What are you? The answer will be: I am a girl and it will mean the same thing as warrior.

I would enjoy  hearing your comments or opinions on this post. Feel free to leave them below. If you haven’t already please join my email list and subscribe to the blog. Thank you for reading!