Category Archives: family

class, community, family, goals, greatness, karate, life, martial arts, philosophy, thoughts, zen

Who do you face in the Dojo?

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The Forge

I recently had a conversation with one of my senior students. It reminded me that we are all walking the same path, the only difference is our location on the path. We were discussing what happens when our training is neglected. How difficult it can become to return the dojo because we perceive there will be judgement or we don’t measure up to a certain standard.

When I suggested to the student that all that needs to be done is showing up at the dojo and training, I was subjected to the reasons why this was difficult. Let me know if this sounds familiar: “I’m out of shape.” “I have other commitments.” “What will the other students say, I’m a senior and wont last the class.” “I’m embarrassed.” 

There were a few others, but I’m sure you get the idea. When I suggested the student just show up and train, the defiance arose within the student. I was subsequently told, “I cant believe I’m being defiant with you.”
I had to laugh (and I did) because this student thought the defiance was being directed at me when in reality it was being directed inward. I told the student that my position as a teacher is to stand in and for the potential contained in each person. The same way it was done for me when I began. My teachers did not see the awkward student who couldn’t perform techniques correctly, but rather the student I would become if I dedicated myself to the training and practice.

My own version of the above went this way:
I had reached shodan( first degree black) and I told my then sensei, who is still my present day sensei, I think I need to take a break. I had trained hard for four years and felt I deserved a break after getting to black belt. His response still resonates with me today. He said “At shodan, you are just starting. This isn’t the time to take a break, this is the time to train harder than you have before.” I didn’t want to hear that. Not only did I not want to hear that, I couldnt hear it at the time.
What I wanted to hear was ” You’re right, you have trained incredibly hard these past four years, why don’t you take some time off and relax?”

I walked away from that conversation, frustrated and angry. Determined to do what I wanted to do. I took off two years from training. For two years I didnt train. I didnt visit a dojo, practice kata or engage in any activity that could be considered martial. Two years later I started visiting my sensei, who when he first saw me made me feel like two days had passed not two years. His first question was, “When are you coming to train?” 

My responses were very similar to what the student told me. I needed to get in shape, I’m a senior and what will the juniors think of me, I don’t wan to embarrass you (this one is by far the most destructive-Ill get to it later), My techniques are rusty, I don’t even remember half of them. And so on went my reasons. He listened patiently and waited for me to finish. “Just come to class.” was his response. And I did and haven’t stopped since-over 22 years later.

Where do these responses come from? Why do we say these things went confronted with a situation like this? The easy answer is fear. We make commitments and excuses to cover our fear. I made sure I was so busy during those two years that any time I had would be occupied doing something else. Its a ploy to mask fear. The other answer is ego or saving face.

We remember where we were and are loathe to return to a state where we may not look as good, to be a beginner again. That is ego driven thinking. The comment about not wanting to embarrass my sensei is destructive because not only does it play to my ego, but it implies that his ego is as inflated as mine.

You have heard me say many times in the past that the dojo is a forge. It burns off impurities and you leave the dross of your character, techniques and spirit on the dojo floor. However a forge is only useful if you enter it. You must place the metal INSIDE the forge. The same way you have to ENTER the dojo.

The dojo is also a mirror, because the only person you face when you are on that floor is yourself. Its the you from last class, the you from last month, last year. You are always facing yourself on the dojo floor. There is always something to be polished, some technique that can be performed better. That is the ongoing state of the dojo and the student-regardless of rank.
The next time you step on the floor, it doesn’t matter where you are, remember that the greatest challenge lies within.

Face Yourself
One final note:
Thank you for following this blog.

I’m currently working on several book projects and so will take the holidays to restructure my new year schedule, train, and spend time with the family.

This will be my last post of the year.
Thank you all for the follows and the comments.
I wish you all a Happy Holiday Season and a Wonderful New Year!
 
 
 
community, family, greatness, ideas, karate, life, martial arts, pain, philosophy, thoughts, tradition

The power of community

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 This past weekend we had a promotion. One of the many things I realized about our school is our sense of community. Every rank that advanced demonstrated a strong spirit, perseverance, determination and courage. We had some moments of levity especially with the children, because children will give some of the most creative answers. The promotion took place over two days. Initially we did them all in one day  and ended up with very tired children and wilted parents. Going through the requirements for several ranks in one day makes for one long day a very tired students. We decided to separate the ranks and test them individually. Also the children and adults test on two different days. It makes for two very long days for the seniors but they support the test because of their commitment to the school and the students. 
The pictures you see in this post were taken by two seniors I would like to acknowledge ( Senpai Elena and Senpai Joshua). Thank you for your great photos! (Scroll to bottom to see pictures)
This is only a few out of 400 pictures that were taken over two days. I tried to show the overall spirit of unity we have in the pictures. Picking the ones to showcase was difficult because every picture showed something amazing. Some of the things the pictures do not show are the fortitude the students demonstrated when the test became difficult. One of our seniors-Senpai Mark make a comment which stayed with me. “Each rank is raising the bar- this is amazing!”   
 It was true, each rank kept amazing us. With their command of technique and precision. It was inspiring to see the progression skill. We started the morning with white belts and worked our way through the day until evening with the advanced yellow belts. In each group we could see the techniques get sharper. One of the things that came through the most was the intent behind the techniques. In the white belts we could see the idea start taking hold.
 By the time we were looking at advanced yellow belts there was no doubt in our minds that they had internalized the concept of intent behind the technique. 
 I want to express a heartfelt thanks to the Seniors who helped make this promotion the extraordinary event it was. Senpai Mark who made sure the intensity was ever present. Senpai Elena who made sure the precision was not forgotten.
Senpai Orlando who gave the students a sense of security and comfort.
Senpai Joshua who gave the students a map to follow during their kata making sure no one got lost.
 
 I also want to thank all of the parents who stand together with us in their children’s lives as partners for their martial path.  
Thank you for taking the time out of your incredibly hectic schedules to make time to bring your child to class. I know that there may times its not easy, or convenient and yet you manage to make it. That is our community in action.
 The inception of most the groups started with tears. Even before they were on the floor, there was nervousness about knowing material and fear of the unknown. I had several conversations with members of each group and the recurring theme was the fear of the unknown. After a few moments and they had calmed down they would enter the dojo and they each excelled. 
To highlight the feeling of community one little boy said something very moving. He told me he didn’t want to take promotion because he didn’t want to ruin it for his group and give them extra push-ups. I assured him that there was no way his group would avoid push-ups. More importantly I stressed to him that the only thing that was expected from him or anyone testing that day was that they did their best. He put on his uniform and entered the dojo after that.
 That is what I always expect from the students. We set the bar high, they met and surpassed the bar. Each group moving it higher for the next.
 The other facet of promotion that they only experience on the day of is the breaking aspect-tameshiwari. We only do it during the promotion. For many of the parents it may seem like this is an easy task, break a quarter inch piece of wood with your hand or foot. For the students testing it may as well be a cinder block. Its not easy and they demonstrate an incredible amount of mental fortitude that leaves us speechless. 
There is a deep sense of accomplishment when they do manage to break that is palpable right after the break and they get their pieces of wood. The ones that don’t manage to break their wood get to take it home. I always enjoy hearing the stories at the next class of how they went home and broke their boards. Most of the time they come back to the dojo holding their pieces of wood as evidence.
 Board breaking in itself is not indicative of great physical prowess. Although its not easy, by any stretch of the imagination. What it does is show them how much power they have in a visceral way. It shows them that they are getting stronger, not only physically but more importantly mentally. If you have any doubt as to the difficulty get yourself a few one inch pine boards and punch through them. It requires a certain kind of mindset to accomplish. 
The last group (advanced yellow) had one added dimension to their promotion. They had to spar. If the promotion is stressful fro the other ranks imagine that stress being ramped up ten times as much with the introduction of kumite or sparring. To say they did well would not do them justice. They fought exceptionally well. One young man had recently suffered a broken arm. We were taking precautions so he not re-injure the arm and in one exchange he fell on the arm that was recuperating. The fact that he came back in to finish even in the midst of fear and pain that he may hurt himself again is a testament to his strength of character. They fought  until they thought  they couldn’t  stand  any longer and then they fought some more. When I tied their belts around their waists each one was beaming with a sense of having achieved something larger than themselves.
 The next day we had the adults and Senpai Mark prefaced the promotion by letting them know that the bar had been set by the children the previous day. It was a grueling and intensely physical promotion. They were tested beyond what they thought was possible. They withstood heat and exhaustion. The mental and physical fatigue was a constant throughout their test. Those that fought had to dig deep to find another reserve of strength after a four hours of testing. They found their reserves and surpassed any and all expectations.  You were all incredible.
I am humbled and honored to know you and to walk with you on this martial path.
strong spirit-strong mind-strong body
Sensei Orlando
Adults One dojo family
Adults new ranks (foggy lens!)
Blue/Adv Blue getting ready
Blue/Adv Blue push-ups
Adv Blue Kata
Blue belt seiza
Blue belt seiza
8am before we begin
White belt kata
White belt Tameshiwari
New Blue Belts!
New Adv Blue/ Yellow belts!!
Yellow belts ready
Yellow belt kata
Yellow belt tameshiwari
Yellow belt Tameshiwari
Yellow belt tameshiwari
New Adv Yellow belts!!
Adv Yellow kata
Adv Yellow Tameshiwari
New Green Belts!!
Adults ready!( Notice the smiles)

 

family, ideas, inspiration, life, NaNoWriMo, writers, writing

Take care of yourself

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I don’t have many vices. Reading is one of my primary addictions (thank you kindle!) The other is that I do enjoy one cup of coffee every morning. Occasionally I will even splurge and hit the green mermaid place and pay close to five dollars for what I could get for $1.50. I used to do that often, not so much now since I have started writing at home in the man cave.
I write this because many times we think as writers that we need to deprive ourselves of things in order to be good writers. I disagree. I think the more we take care of ourselves the better our writing. This doesn’t mean we spend all day at a spa ( although that sounds like a great idea), but it does mean that every so often we indulge in those things we enjoy. I don’t subscribe to the tortured artist ideal, I think its pointless. Besides life has enough unpleasantness in it ( just turn on the news if you’re unsure of what I mean) I don’t need to add more to it.

Taking care of yourself also means taking care of your body. I exercise regularly and watch what I eat. The motivation for this is that I want to be around to torture my own children when they have kids. I will certainly be the grandfather that spoils kids, undermines their parents, gets them the gifts that are not allowed and gives them more money than they will ever get on  an allowance. Torturing my kids will be hard work, that requires that I be healthy and fit.

My other motivation in regards to writing is a bit more mundane. I cant write well if I feel horrible. Lack of sleep, poor eating, no exercise, and abusing my body harms me and my writing.
This lesson has really hit home this month with Nano going full swing (20k and going strong). I have realized that I need to pace myself. That writing 10k in one day, while a worthwhile goal is difficult with a house full of kids, a business to run and a body to take care of. Yesterday I managed 4k because I took Sunday off to relax and it felt great.
It all comes down to choice. Taking care of yourself should be a priority, no matter what you do.

writers write
Orlando

community, creating, family, ideas, life, philosophy, power, self-defense, thoughts

What are you willing to defend?

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My wife recently shared a video with me. What occurs in the video disturbed me.

She suggested that I post my thoughts on it and here I am. The video isn’t very long and I suggest you watch it for a clearer frame of reference. You can find it here:http://www.cnn.com/video/data/2.0/video/us/2013/10/22/pkg-boy-confronts-gas-station-robber.kprc.html

In this video we see a young boy (8 years old) retrieve his mothers wallet from a thief who is making away with her bag. What the little boy did was quite admirable especially at his age. However I feel it was wrong. There were so many things that could have gone wrong, that thankfully did not. The thief could have struck the boy. The boy was also in danger of being run over as he chases the truck. The worst case scenario would have been if the the thief abducted the child. A very possible outcome.

There are deeper lessons here as well. What are we teaching our children when we see a boy risk his life to get his moms bag back? Are we sending an unspoken message that things are very important-more important than our well-being?

I have a saying that I say to my wife constantly. She says its my mantra, and she is right. The saying is: “Don’t leave anything in the car that you aren’t willing to lose.” What does this mean? It means you don’t leave items that you value or that have intrinsic value sitting in the car. I learned this the hard way after leaving my wallet in the car once and remembering I did so ten minutes later, only to discover a broken window and no wallet.

The incident in the video would never have occurred if the mother had taken the bag with her AND locked her doors. I’ll take it a step further, beyond things. I never leave my children alone in the car-EVER. Doesn’t matter if its gas or a bagel in the morning. Weather is not a factor either. If its too inconvenient to take the kids, its too inconvenient and will have to wait until I’m alone.

This mother was very fortunate her son wasn’t hurt or worse. She had the right response if you see her reaction to the incident. She needs to go further and take the steps necessary to prevent things like this from happening in the first place. By leaving the bag in the car she was the catalyst for the event, since it was a crime of opportunity. I can’t help but feel that as a new yorker it amazed me that she left her bag in the car to begin with. This is an action that does not occur in big cities, we just don’t do that.

So its possible her behavior is influenced by environment, but ultimately it goes back to awareness or the lack thereof. (See my post on awareness here: http://www.nascentnovel.com/?p=65 for more on that subject)

 What does this mean for us? Well I have a conversation with my kids periodically, it goes something like this:

Me: ” Why don’t we cross the street at the wrong time? “(This is a reference for any behavior that could be dangerous to their well being, but crossing the street is familiar to them)

Them: “Because we can get hurt by a car!” ( Very proud of their answer as they both chime in)

Me: “Exactly and in the whole universe how many of you are there?” (They are silent for a few moments)

Them: “Only one.”

Me: That means that you are special, unique and important to Mom and Dad.

They both nod in agreement clearly pleased at having the right answers and realizing that  in the ENTIRE UNIVERSE there is only one of them and that their safety is important to me and their mom. Its a lesson that needs to be repeated often.

This not only goes for the children it goes for you as well. The question in the heading  “What are you willing to defend?” comes from our self defense course and is always asked by our instructor Senpai Elena. The second part to that question is : “How are you willing to defend it?”

 We have had people who may shy away from defending themselves for a multitude of reasons. Once they are asked-What if your children are in danger? It shifts immediately to ferociousness and devastation. Why not be aware and defend themselves all the time so that they can be around for those they hold most dear? When presented that way, you can almost see the light-bulb go on.

If you learn to be aware, take the appropriate steps, and acquire the skills-you can diminish the danger to yourself and your loved ones. Don’t let it take a close call or worse to begin this. Start today.

strong spirit-strong mind-strong body

Sensei Orlando

family, ideas, life, story, writing

Genesis

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Everything has a beginning. So here we are. I am starting this blog for all the storytellers. Although the preferred medium will be the written word, the emphasis will be on story which is the engine found across all media. Our lives are rich with story and if you are a writer, then your brain is usually exploding with story ideas. That is what this blog is for, to try and capture those ideas. I will put excerpts from (as yet) unpublished books here, with permission from the authors.Email me if you are one of those authors and would like to showcase your work. Feel free to comment and express your ideas, notice I didn’t say bash.

 I will discuss stories I come across that impact me with their brilliance or lack thereof. As the title states this is a place where ideas are born, I welcome you to share yours.

I promised I would share about myself, I also promise to be brief. I have been writing ever since I can remember. I was the student that would take on the extra writing project in English, you know, the one you hated. Currently I have finished my first novel and am working on three other projects. I am a father of a tribe if I told you how many, you wouldn’t believe me, trust me on this. I am a martial arts practitioner and have been for the last 26 years. I am an avid handball player and enjoy trouncing my sons on the court, while I still can. My family, my tribe is my core. Most of my sleepless nights are usually spent doing rounds to make sure they are OK. Its a dad thing, if you have children you can relate. I try and write everyday, but life loves to change those plans. I love dogs and currently added a boxer by the name of Winter to our family. As you might have guessed she is white. I didn’t name her but it fit and the kids love the name so I figured it was a good package deal. There you have it the abridged version of me. If you have any questions feel free to email me or just comment.
Lets get on with it shall we?